Hi (:
My name is Chair and I rock.
Seventeen candles on the 28th September '09. I ♥ cocktails, cocaine, and clubbing.

PARAMORE
is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo


put a more detailed profile here. (:




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BETRAYED ♥ at 6:25 AM

ITS been weeks since i updated my blog. it was bcause i've been very busy going around. first week was to pangkor island. then second week to melacca and this week was kl bcause my sister just graduated. yea, bcause she graduated. i planned to actually get her a fossil purse since she wants a purse so badly. but now? everything is ruin i. its been several times since i caught you talking bad about me in front of mum. you thought i was sleeping and so you talked bad about me. and just now i caught you talking bad about me again. yet you have no sense of guilt? dont you feel sorry. you said i was throwing my tantrum i guess you told mum about it too isnt it? haha. bcause of your damn mouth i couldnt stop crying for half and hour. i felt so stupid. crying out so much when she dont even feel sorry for me.i asked myself whyy? and the answer is you've been betrayed by your very own sister. my heart broke and shattered all over the floor. how am i suppose to pick it up one by one and stick it all back? i thought i will be happy again and i guess i'm too naive. i'm still the same old me. always being emotional. rejected. never wanted no matter where i am. i'm just an unwanted person everywhere i go...

JOEY1827♥


I BELIEVE IN FATE ♥ at 6:33 AM

i believe that i was planned well to be born in the '邓' family. it was fate that my name is 邓舜仪. though i have faced so much of hardcore in the age of 15 but i also know bcause of all these happenings. i grew up. i learn how to face and i learn how to endure. it wasnt an easy pathway to go through especially at that moment my siblings are far away studying and i am left alone. i guess i've shed a lot of tears since last year 20th of october. but now i finally realize crying cant solve the problems i'm facing. crying cant change the fact that mum has a cancerous brain tumor but... crying makes me feel better. at certain extension when i couldnt stand all the pressure. i'll wet my pillow. and the next day i will eventually smile again :) although i dont have a perfect figures compared to other girls. but i do feel special. i know i must have something that other people dont have. for example my voice. though it might not be as good as mariah carey or korean team 2AM. haha. i dont wanna blame god for me imperfectness but isnt there this phrase. NO ONE IS PERFECT! no one! so whyy feel sad isnt it? today i passed by few houses when i'm on the way to my grandmother's house. i saw those houses with broken roofs and there's no gate and fence at their house compound. at that moment, i really felt so thankful. i stared at their houses till the car start moving away. eventhough we're born this way. living in such life. dont ever feel hateful. LOVE LIFE :)

JOEY1827♥


ITS NOT ABOUT MY PRIDE ♥ at 9:10 AM

we have not been sms-ing for almost a month full. i guess for so many many years we have not tried not sms-ing for so many days. i wonder how are you feeling when we're acting this way. i wished to text you but i held back all my hopes and thoughts. its not that i care about my PRIDE but i wanna wait for your text bcause i really wanna know how much you care for me. indeed i've been patiently waiting for your text. but till now you did not text me. does that mean, i'm fading off from your mind already? i know you'll never check out my blog anymore but its okayy. if someday, you see this i just want you to know. you'll always remain as my very very very good foster. i'll always cherish all that we had. though our relationship did not end prettily but in between i'm sure you could still find some happy moments :)
if really that all these had come to an end i'll let go of you... i promise

JOEY1827♥


HOLIDAYS ♥ at 8:15 AM

its been half of the semester in school, yet i still feel new and awkward to my class and my classmates. maybe i am really not ready to mix with a new bunch of people. its just so different that i should say. eventhough some of my classmates now have been my classmates for the past 3years yet... now that i know them more deeply. they're actually freaking me out. i tried not to be sensitive but i could feel that the topics that they're talking about... i have completely no idea what are they talking about. i really wanna mix around but sometimes, its just the feeling of loneliness which is going strong in me. i miss my ex classmates. i know i should move on cause i will not be mixing with the same bunch of people all the time. i just dont know how to express these feelings out. in class, where people sit in groups and talk when teacher is not around. most probably i'll be sitting at my place looking outside wondering around. or maybe i'll sing softly. i find it so silly yet that is what i do all the time.
*soo, sukyein & yujie* i dont know whether are you all missing me.. but the truth is i missed all of you :( i couldnt entertain myself in my current class. what am i suppose to do. how i wish that HOLIDAYS never end

JOEY1827♥


IF THE WORLD IS GONNA END IN THE YEAR 2012 ♥ at 9:01 AM

IF it is true that the world is gonna end in 2012. i guess its just so regretful for me cause there's just so much that i've not been through. i have found my cup of tea. i have not been in a relationship where i can have couple watches, couple t-shirts, couple phone, couple bags. of all that i've stated not even ONE that i truly own. to find your true love. its harder than you ever expected. now that i see LOVE is just a word but there's so many meanings in LOVE that need us to discover ourselves. sometimes i wonder, what does it feel to be in love? is it very sweet and lovely like what i've always been watching in korean dramas? haha. i know that fairytale never exist. cinderella? snow white? beauty and the beast? little mermaid? i guess, those are stories meant for small kids. in such realistic world which good looking, handsome and rich guy will give up all his properties for his LOVE ONES? nowadays people JUST think that MONEY is everything. yes, maybe i have not been through a very poverty life so i couldnt understand how it is to live and survive in that condition but people. if the world is really gonna end in 2012 no matter how rich you are, you cant buy it back. just dont get too into money and forgotten how to love your family. and of course, i felt very thankful to god cause he had given me such a great family. i have such a loving MOTHER, caring sister, adorable brother and a father that would apologize if he yells at me. for me living here for the past 15++ years is the greatest gift ever. i had the chance to eat shashimi. i had the chance to climb the great wall of china. its just SOO GREATT :D and i also have my closest buddies ever, SOO AND SUKYEIN ♥ i just felt too thankful sometimes. as i said life is never perfect. i've been down to the earth last year when we found out mum has a tumor in her brain. but i am glad that god bless her through all these hard time. appreciate all that you have and dont hope for more

JOEY1827♥


I WISH TO GO ON A VACATION ♥ at 6:15 AM

I JUST WANNA GO FOR A HOLIDAY WITH MY FAMILY :) near or far it does not matter. cause i remember the last holiday that my family and i had together was 2years ago. we went to china. basically, having holiday together is hard nowadays cause my brother is leaving to the states to further his studies this coming august or september. i had googled on the distance between malaysia and us. it is 13952.85km. its very far far away isnt it? cause by plane it takes 18hours and 36minutes to reach there. can you IMAGINE :( it is hard to really let my brother go sometimes. cause lately my brother and i are getting closer. idk why -.- he seems to love me more compared to last time. and my heart is getting heavier and heavier when i know he's gonna leave this year. but i am sure, he dont feel good to leave us here to especially my mum. to be frank i seldom talk to him when i was young. okayy. maybe young is not the right word cause I AM STILL YOUNG NOW XD i mean when i am still a kid. everytime we talk we will start arguing or maybe we will fight. haha. though it sounds so silly but those memories can never be erased off from my mind. ILOVEYOU,KARWEI :)

JOEY1827♥


HAPPY POST ♥ at 6:40 AM

GOOD NEWS :)
MUM AND DAD went to singapore last wednesday and doctor said. mum's tumor is getting smaller and smaller. yet she still need to consume the chemotheraphy tablets which is actually a huge torture for her. cause there's just too many side effects after taking this capsule. it looks like the antibiotic i normally take when im sick but the thing is... this capsule that my mum is consuming is very strong. i've seen her taking it then she vomited the whole day. let me tell you. the scene its exactly like what you've watch in dramas. i do pity my mum cause i couldnt share her pain. all i can do is give her a pet when she's vomiting and get her some warm water to make her feel better. after this incident i learn to love my mother more and care for her even more and now im learning up a song 'JUST FOR YOU' specially for my mum cause mother's day is NEXT WEEK. WOOHOO. and yea, the hardest thing that i had do today is to say farewell to you. but i sincerely hope that you'll lead a happy life without me. i know you can :) takecare,L. FAREWELL..

JOEY1827♥